Excerpt from one of my books, “Fat Girl Chronicles…I Am Not Who I Perceive Myself to Be”
1 Reflections
Dear Diary,
There is an old saying that if you put a frog in a pot of water and begin to increase the heat, the frog will not know it has started to boil. Isn't it funny how I can go through life and be completely asleep until one day, one moment, something wakes me up, and I wonder simply: How the hell did I get here? How did this happen?
Why didn't somebody tell me? For me, my memorable moment undoubtedly came when I was getting into the bath. I have done this so many times before, but this memorable night would be different. This night would jolt me into ultimate reality. I happened to turn, and I saw my full reflection of my bare-naked body; my 313 pounds naked body was staring back at me.
All I could do was stand there in complete dismay and wonder what the heck happened? How did I get here?
It was then that I began to realize what was going on. I had been the frog in the pot of water, and with each number on the scale, my water was starting to boil. I did not realize it because I had fallen asleep in my life.
I had gotten comfortable. I stood there, and I prayed out to God for guidance, asking that question of what had gotten me to this point. How does this happen?
I just felt it impressed upon me that my body represented getting lost in distractions, making others' burdens my own, making myself the last priority on an extensive list of so-called priorities, expressed overworking, and turning to food vs. turning to Him.
I was in complete shock. It's amazing how I will do my hair in the mirror, I’ll take a shower, I’ll get dressed, but I've never seen the full spectrum of what I saw that night before getting in the bath.
Slowly but surely, I'm waking up from my slumber. One of the greatest battles of this new awakening is to realize I am not who I perceive myself to be in that mirror staring back at me, the fat girl. I am more than the weight of my body.
I need to continually tell myself that my waist size does not determine my essence.
Shannon L. Turner
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